No words can explain my hurt, its worse than a stab in the stomache.

So im sitting up at 5 am. work in three hours and in all honesty im feeling and looking like shit. The problem is, Im awake cos I cant sleep and the reason for that is my ex, who dumped me is moving on and I cant get over that. Did I always leave open a soft spot for him? I want him but I know it will never work. He's a new person now and I feel like I'm fighting to be part of his life. Cos I'm a sucker for love and cannot let it go. Guess what I did? Arranged to meet him for coffee and have now found out he's getting close to this girl, who I know is his new thing. And it hurts, more than anything. 2 months later and I'm still very much hurting that the guy I loved resented me and couldnt handle it. That his love had gone!  I cant handle these feelings of rejection and dont seem to be able to move on. He wants me to, he is but I just cant. Is this coffee a closure? Do I just enjoy pain? Can I handle this? How do I decide? :( Really meeting him is a bad idea cos I cannot sit listening to how great his life is, and realise that I dont know anything about him anymore even tho I used to know when he bloody showered and did everything! Ok we were too close and we can never work now but I still want him. I act like I'm ok but im so not. And altho someone  else is on the scene i dont know how much i feel for him, and if it will ever be strong enough for me. Why can't ex just want me back? Instead I'm still in this heartbreak and feel sick when I think of him. I think I need to meet him, but its a stupid idea! :( he moved on in the last few weeks and I was out the picture, why cant this be role reversal. I just want to be happy!

Music to fill the ears

One of my more happy moments in the last few days, other than creating this blog (lol yes cheesy) i went to see The WANTED at epsom downs racecourse. Amazing! Actually my first concert ever! and although i had to stand in one spot for three hours just to stay close to the stage, it was highly worth it. Earache and headaches i shall ignore...the irritating shouting children and rowdy mother will not spoil this experience! I even got a kiss blown to me by my crush, Tom Parker, beautiful, handsome...and yes, i have dreamt of us together. Indeed not a fantasy (surely). I had never expected the sound to be so good, or the music to beat through my whole being in such a way that it did. A wonderful evening, the start of my stalking career!

Cheers to them all.